This is a multi-part blog series on the topic of empathy where we will learn about what is empathy, why it is important and how we can develop it for a better future.  

What is Empathy?

Empathy is a social and emotional skill that helps us feel and understand the emotions, circumstances, intentions, thoughts, and needs of others such that we can offer sensitive, perceptive and appropriate communication and support. The good news is that this is an emotional skill that is completely malleable (i.e. anybody can learn it). 

Former President Barack Obama has said, "The biggest deficit that we have in our society and in the world right now is an empathy deficit. We are in great need of people being able to stand in somebody else’s shoes and see the world through their eyes."

Why is Empathy Important?

Empathy is one of the most important aspects of creating strong relationships, reducing stress, and enhancing emotional awareness. Empathy is important in almost every aspect of daily life. It allows us to have compassion for others related to friends, loved ones, co-workers, and strangers, and it has a large beneficial impact on the world.

Empathy In Personal Life 

Healthy relationships require nurture, care, and understanding. A friendship or romantic relationship that lacks empathy and understanding will soon flounder. When people only think of their own interests, the other people in the relationships will suffer.

If one spouse in a marriage forgoes seeing things from the other's perspective, they will likely have marital issues. No two people are ever going to think exactly alike, and no two people are going to have the same experiences. Both people in a relationship bring their own ideas, life experiences, and struggles. Without taking the time to try to relate to one another's feelings and perspectives, people in relationships will likely feel unloved and uncared for.

Empathy In Work Life

For many people, a workplace is a place for teamwork. For things that require a group effort, it's extremely important to take the time to relate to co-workers. Even if people are not specifically working on one project, it is still important to get along with fellow workers. Using empathy is a vital part of a smooth working relationship. Without it, it's much easier to fall into disputes and disagreements.

It is also highly important for management to use empathy. Bosses who lack empathy are likely to subject their employees to unfair practices. Managers who are without empathy may push employees to work beyond what is healthy and reasonable or maybe unduly harsh when an employee makes a mistake.

Higher amounts of empathy in the workplace have been linked to increased performance, increased sales, and better leadership abilities.

Empathy from a Global Perspective

Empathy from a global perspective is infinitely important, especially when it leads to compassion. This type of empathy pushes people to dive in and help when there are major disasters. People are willing to help out others that they have never met because they know that they too would need help if things were reversed.

Without compassionate empathy, the world would be a much darker and less functional place to live.

Empathy Vs. Sympathy

It’s important to understand that empathy is not sympathy.

When we’re sympathetic, we often pity someone else but maintain our distance (physically, mentally, and emotionally) from their feelings or experience.

Empathy is more a sense that we can truly understand, relate to, or imagine the depth of another person’s emotional state or situation.

It implies feeling with a person, rather than feeling sorry for a person.

Empathy is a translation of the German term Einfühlung, meaning “to feel as one with.” It implies sharing the load, or “walking a mile in someone else’s shoes,” in order to understand that person’s perspective.

Why do people lack Empathy?

There are a number of reasons that stop us from experiencing the power of empathy. Three of the main ones, which are all interrelated, are as follows:

1. Feeling Threatened

   We often feel “threatened” based on our own fears, projections, and past experiences – not by what is actually happening in the moment or in a particular relationship or situation. Whether the threat is “real” or “imagined,” when we feel threatened in any way, it often shuts down our ability to experience empathy.

2. Being Judgemental
   Being judgemental is a totally different game than making value judgments (what to wear, what to eat, what to say, etc.). When we’re judgmental, we decide that we’re “right” and someone else is “wrong.” Doing this hurts us and others and it cuts us off from those around us. When we’re being judgmental about another person, group of people, or situation, we significantly diminish our capacity to be empathetic.

3. Fear
   There’s nothing inherently wrong with fear, it’s a natural human emotion – which, in fact, has many positive aspects to it, if we’re willing to admit it, own it, express it, and move through it. Fear saves our lives and keeps us out of trouble all the time.
   
   The issue with fear is our denial of it. We deem things, people, or situations to be “scary,” when in truth there is nothing in life that is inherently “scary.” When we allow ourselves to be motivated by fear – which often leads to us defending ourselves against “threats,” being judgmental, and more – it becomes difficult, if not impossible, to access the power of empathy.

4. Personality Disorder
   A lack of empathy can also be a trait of personality disorders like narcissism or antisocial personality disorder. People may lack empathy due to the environment they were raised in. They may have grown up with parents who could not regulate their emotions and showed very little compassion towards them. They may have also experienced difficult situations in life that caused them to lack empathy and behave the way they do.

In the next part of the series, we will look at different aspects of empathy and then learn how to incorporate those into our daily lives. Keep an eye out and stay curious! 

To learn more about Omer Qadri and his coaching practice connect with him at Omer@Omerqadri.com