We have finally come to the finale of this short blog series about the brain evolution and the challenges it is facing in the 21st Century digital world. We have now learnt about three (3) very real brain challenges we face today: from overload of information to overdose of dopamine to over-reliance on technology.   

This week, I am going to elaborate on the fourth brain challenge: Over-comparison Culture.  Thanks to social media the comparison culture is leading to the development of a generation that lacks contentment & happiness.

The story we are told is that social media helps us connect with more people. At the surface level that is true. And being connected with more people may make us feel secure, but does it make us happier? 

Dr. Jacqline Nesi and Dr. Mitchell Pristein at the University of North Carolina conducted a research with 619 students where they studied their behaviours on using technology (cell phones, Facebook and Instagram), how they indulged in social comparison and assessed their depressive symptoms. The study found a high correlation and association between technology usage, social comparison behavior and depressive symptoms. 

In another research called Psychology of Popular Media Culture, Dr. Erin Vogel (a social psychologist at Stanford University), Dr. Jason Rose (Associate professor of Psychology at University of Toledo) and their team examined the impact of chronic and temporary exposure to social media-based social comparison information on self-esteem. The results showed that participants who used Facebook most often had poorer trait self-esteem, and this was due to greater exposure to upward social comparisons on social media. 

Using an experimental approach, the team also examined the impact of temporary exposure to social media profiles on state self-esteem and relative self-evaluations. The results revealed that participants’ state self-esteem and relative self-evaluations were lower when the target person’s profile contained upward comparison information (e.g., a high activity social network) than when the target person’s profile contained downward comparison information (e.g., a low activity social network) 

The social comparison is on the rise with more technological advancements and increase in the usage of smartphones, especially for the younger generation. In 2012, only 37% of the teenagers owned a smartphone. That number eclipsed to 89% by 2016. A University of Michigan study assessed the psychological well-being of youth and the duration of their screen times. The study showed that the more young people spent time on the internet, social media, texting, gaming and any other screen time, the more their psychological well-being decreased. 

What did increase their psychological well-being was offline activities such as in-person social interactions, sports and exercise. 

Social media and narcissism

Secondly, social media can also be the breeding ground for narcissism. When conversing with a person or a group of people face-to-face, we are not just expressing our thoughts and emotions but also engaging our brains to listen, feel, observe body language and tone. Research has shown that 30-40% of face-to-face conversations involve communicating our own experiences. And the remaining 60-70% is active listening, feeling and observing. 

On the other hand, 80% of social media communication is self-centered. The same part of our brain related to love, motivation and orgasms are stimulated by social media usage and more so when you have an audience. Our brain is rewarding us for talking about ourselves online. 

Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, wrote in a New York Times article titled Social Media Is a Narcissism Enabler that Twitter is used as a technological augmented megaphone: a means to amplifying one’s own perceived superiority to others. And Facebook is used as a technological enhanced mirror that reflects preoccupation with one’s image, others’ reaction to this image and a desire to constantly update this image for more dopamine hits [1].

Outcome of the Over-Comparison & Narcissist culture 

An increase in the comparison culture, coupled with narcissist behaviour is taking us away from the desired state of happiness. These trends, according to Dr. Twenge, lead to lower levels of empathy and civic action. Hence, our values are shifting from being more intrinsic (community work for instance) to more extrinsic (money and fame). And I think you know what truly makes us happy. No, it is not money or fame. Real connections with compassionate feelings and acts of giving back and help is what truly makes us happy.

The difference between Happiness and Fulfilment 

Happiness comes from the things we do for ourselves, such as buying a new dress or treating ourselves to a chocolate cake. These actions offer a quick hit of dopamine that makes us feel good. But when that feeling wears off, we need to do or buy something else to get the next hit. Shopping (or eating chocolate or hiking or whatever else) may give us temporary happiness but will never give us lasting fulfillment. The happiness in serving ourselves is real but often fleeting. 

On the other hand, fulfilment comes from the things we do for others. The fulfillment in serving others is lasting. The problem comes when there’s a lack of balance between the pursuit of happiness and the pursuit of fulfillment. 

I am sure you know at least one person who, despite a high salary and a luxurious lifestyle, isn't truly fulfilled and feel that there’s something missing in his/her life. I can say I was that unfulfilled soul a few years ago till I discovered my WHY. 

And as the great Simon Sinek says: "Ironically, people whose WHY is in service to others, rather than for themselves, are the ones who ultimately best serve themselves, because in the end they experience the deepest fulfillment". 

Solutions & Coaching Tips:

Reflect on your social media usage. 

1. What is your purpose for using social media?
   

2. How are you actually using social media? Are you using it to learn, share & create? Or are you intentionally or unintentionally using it to compare your life with others?
   

Describe how you feel after a social media session and on a scale of 0 - 10 rate how happy you feel after your social media sessions. (0 = Extremely Unhappy; 10 = Extremely happy)

Invest in discovering your life purpose that is geared towards serving others. How to do this? 

1. Find a mentor or coach 

2. Read a book. A great place to start will be Simon Sinek’s book called Start With Why

3. Journal your thoughts, ideas and emotions on a daily basis. In a few weeks, patterns will start to emerge that will help you learn more about yourself. 

If you want to learn more and want to transform your life, connect with me for a free coaching session.